Hidan's days
by Ometime
Summary: Hidan has done something what he will always regret until he dies. Wait, he's frucking immortal! So he had his lesson which wasn't cheap. And, unfortunately, he still is in Akatsuki.


**Hidan's days**

"Kakuzu, you fucking asshole, move your fucking ass, I can't breathe!"  
"Who cares, brat. You're immortal"  
"Dumbass, I see you don't even fucking wanna move your fat ass a little bit, but if I give you something what is fucking awesome, you will do what I want, won't ya?"  
"Imma listen"  
"Just move your ass. Preeeez!"  
"Have you just said please?"  
"Nope, it was more like preez. So will you do this? Will you move your fucking fat ass few inches on the rigth?"  
"Let me think 'bout this. No"  
"Geez, come on! If we have to hide in this bush like fucking idiots only because you wanna have some money, just move and I won't have to smell your old fucking ass"  
"You know what? Fuck you"  
"Wow, you really did say that? Did I really hear word which starts with 'f'?"  
"He ran away. You were too loud"  
"What? That's my fault?- Kakazu, noooo, you know I like only this pain which is for Jashin-"  
"Give all of this to your god. He will love that"  
"No, no, we will just chase this fucking guy again- It wasn't fucking funny"  
"For me it was"  
"Yep, everyone besides me fucking loved this. Ha ha ha"  
"Do you feel some kind of pleasure?"  
"It's fucking gay-ish in this situation"  
"Whatever"

"I'm fucking quit" shouted Hidan when he came to office. He shut the door, grabbed chair which stood on the right from door and threw it in the wall. His breath was faster than normally. Jashinist looked at ginger man and when he finally looked at him, he repeat louder. "Did you hear that? I'm quit this fucking organisation. I'm fucking bored of this shit! Fuck!"  
Pein's eyebrow raised. He was sort of suprised - there was no one who wanted to leave Akatsuki before. It was normal when they were killed by other shinobis or their own partners, like Kakuzu. How many times Leader had to find new partner to him? Too many to count. Of course, that was before Hidan joined to organisation. He was immortal and that was the most important for Pein. If Kakuzu was angry, he ripped out Hidan's head and nobody has been killed, maybe everyone had a little headache or earache of his swearing. But now _his favourite Jashinist _('cause he didn't have another one, thanks Him) wanted to quit, just like that? No. He won't agree for this. He rules everything and he want Hidan to stay here. There's nothing to talk about.  
"What did you say?" asked slowly pierced man with _that_ looking. And when I say _that_, I mean this characteristic, scary shine in eyes which doesn't bring anything good to person who is next to him.  
"That what you fucking heard" Hidan wasn't so afraid of man who called himself 'God'. Jashinist was immortal, wasn't he? And he believed in his own God. The real one.  
"If you really want to leave, go ahead. From now you aren't Akatsuki's member" Pein had an Idea. If he won't beg him to stay (which doesn't even fit to God of the world), Hidan stays. It's so brilliant. Now he have to be a good actor or Kakuzu won't have a partner long enough to bored. It would be difficult to find another immortal idiot who isn't masochist like Hidan, wouldn't it?  
"Are you fucking kidding of me? I can leave this fucking place just like that?" Hidan couldn't believe how easy he could leave this old, stink monster/zombie/something like man.  
"Yes. Live as you wish, we aren't babysitters" said Leader, looking for pen and official papers to play his role better. 'But sometimes it seems like all this criminals are children', he added in his mind.  
"Whoa, if I knew it earlier-"  
"But there is one condition" cut Pein, giving him piece of paper which title of page was 'Leaving Akatsuki - I'm not member now!' and pen.  
"And that is what I was fucking curious. What do I have to do? Clean all of this shitty base?"  
Pein sighed. These words which he had to say didn't fit to him. After this everyone will tell about his _gentleness_, _empathy_... Crazy fangirls will write fanfictions... But this one sitiuation was worth it.  
"You have to be extra nice for everyone for a week. No swearing. No blood, no rituals. Kakuzu will watch if you cheating"  
"You're fucking kidding, right? What the fuck is this? It's ridiculous! We're group of shinobi who kill, aren't we?"  
"It's preparation for your normal live" Pein was a little enjoying all situation. It was really fun. "Of course, if you will able to save yourself from ANBU. Now you need resocialisation"  
"I fucking like this idea. Kind of" Hidan didn't know this 'resocialisation' word, but it sound smart enough to believe that it is something what_ he need now_.  
"Good. Sign this paper and you can go now"  
After writing his name, Jashinist fast left the office. His days with Kakuzu are over, it's official!  
'There's no way he'll do this' thought Pein with grin when Hidan came out room.

Day 1st  
"Kakuzu, give me the remote control right now"  
"Say it nicer"  
"Kakuzu, do you give me the remote control?"  
"Nicer"  
"Dear Kakuzu, my- the best- partner who I ever had, would you- like to give me the remote control?"  
"Magical word?"  
"I dunno, I- can't say anything normal and this s- is very frustating"  
"Say please"  
"Who am I? A f-reaky child?"  
"You want me to give you this, right?"  
"You know what? Never mind. I have- legs and I can manage to do this by my own, don't need- help from someone like you"

Day 2nd  
"You know what, Tachi-kun? I fu- really like you"  
"What do you need?"  
"Oh, dude, you're so funny! Ha ha ha, you rock! But seriously, can't I just say something to buddy who really understands me and maybe likes me?"  
"You're not like that. Tell what you need. Now"  
"Ok, ok, as you wish, you don't have to use your f- very awesome sharingan- You see, I'm hungry. And I need blood. Can you give me some chicken blood or something in a plastic bottle? Preeez! You are my only hope!"  
"You are so fool. I won't waste my time for you. I have more important things"  
"Know what? I don't need you. Middle finger to you!- See, Kakuzu, I didn't say 'f' word!"  
"What. Have. You. Just. Said?"  
"No, Tachi-kun, you don't have to- Oh my Jashin, it f- very hurts!"

Day 3rd  
"Do you know we are going to Konoha today?"  
"No, I dunno. Really? Why?"  
"Leader said that"  
"And everything is f-reaky clear now"  
"What did you mumble under your nose?"  
"I said everything is good and I'm so- happy"  
"Fine. Grab your scythle and let's go. Time is money"  
"You are so right, my little Scrooge"

Day 4th  
"I'm hungry"  
"And what about it? You won't die because of hunger"  
"I'm hungry, do you hear that? I am so huuungryyyyyy!"  
"Can you stop talking?"  
"But I'm really hungry. I'm dying. If you won't give me food-"  
"That's enough. Here you are, this is MY coupon. You can buy 30 plates of ramen. Happy now?"  
"As never before. You know, you aren't as bad as I was thinking"

"Oo, you are new there, aren't you? I have never seen you here before, dattebayo! And.. Oh my kami, you have so much ramen! Can I, can I?"  
"Yeah, I-"  
"Thank you, thank you, you're good, ttebayo. Mhotz or mame?"  
"... Hidan"  
"I'm Naruto. So, how long will you stay here?"  
"Not so long I guess"  
"That's sad, dattebayo"

"There you are. I finally found you"  
"Yep, I believe you. I bet you were just enjoy seeing me with so many women when I can't say even 'f' word"  
"'cause I haven't got anything more to do in Konoha than watching you. Let's come back to base"  
"WHAT THE- ARE YOU SAYING?"

Day 5th  
"Orochimaru has sent you a gift, hn"  
"How this- pedo- man who like children even know me, ne, Deidara?"  
"Don't know, open this, hn"  
"Oww, nice sculpture of me. Look, I'm here. Naked"  
"KATSU!"  
"You did this specially, didn't you?"  
"Maybe yes, maybe not, hn"  
"But I still- don't understand why this- sculpture- was- _naked_?"

Day 6th  
"Dude, what are you doing here?"  
"I was trying to do ritual, but then you came and-"  
"Is this my fish?"  
"Don't worry, I will buy you other one, Kisame"  
"But that's my sister. SISTER!"  
"O sh- what a shame for me. Preeez, forgive me and other stuffs- Wait, is this your Samehada, _this_ Samehada?"

Day 7th  
"Wake up"  
"Hell no. I won't fucking wake up only because old bastard wanna this"  
"You lost!"  
"Fuck this. Just give me some sleep"

Hidan was a bit of sad. He wanted to leave organisation because of Kakuzu, he had chance to do it, but he lost. What hit him the most, it happened in final day. In _final day _which he should survive. Waking him up wasn't as bad as saying nicer words, begging Itachi for help, Itachi's Tsukuyomi, going and staying for a day in Konoha, Deidara's art of naked sculpture or Kisame's Samehada. I'd say more: it was the easiest step to win.  
"So you won't leave Akatsuki" said Pein after Hidan sat on chair in his office, looking at him. When Jashinist nodded, Leader tore piece of paper with Hidan's sign. "It's useless now, I guess"  
"Don't fucking say that like you were happy of this shit" mumbled Jashinist, taking his three-blade scythle and standing up from chair. Then he had _flash of smart_, how he called this short moments when he was pretty sure that he know about everything. He smiled. "Or were you? Geez, it's fucking ridiculous"  
"Hold on, I have a special mission for you" Pein gave him page, which Hidan instantly read.  
"Babysitting. You really are fucking kidding of me- But, seriously, I don't wanna know who gives work like this to missing ninjas. It's fucking stupid"  
"I think they want to blame for bastard's death someone else"  
"Fucking intelligence" said Hidan, leaving the office.


End file.
